''I hate you more than I love myself''

(image from toonpool.com)

Hate. Such a powerful, strong and destructive emotion. The most difficult emotion to deal with when there is a conflict.

At some point in my practice I was a mediator in a conflict between two neighbors. A conflict that got ugly, very ugly. Both parties hated each other. They waited too long, got through court, lawyers and judges before asking for a mediation.

It all began in a small co-property. Both neighbors had to share the co-property terrace, both had the right to use it. But they didn't communicate about when and how they will share the terrace. One was young and liked to party, the other was quiet and had a new family.

The dispute has been going on for 5 years. Both of them lost a lot. One lost his job and couldn't pay the lawyer's fee anymore, the other one got a divorce mostly because of the time and energy spent with the pursuit. At least that is what they said. Still police was involved. They yelled at each other in front of family, friend and neighbors, they said death threats and punched each other in the face.

When they came in the office neither of them wanted to be in the same room. At some point they accepted to sit in the office around a big round table and talk. Just talk. One of them said ''I hate you more than I love myself, my family or my friends''.

Such powerful words, I still remember the look on his face. It made me realize how far Hate can bring somebody, make him forget about the love of oneself and the love of people who are important to us. Before feeling hate just take a moment to think what it can do to you and the ones you love, the lives that it can destroy and the power that it can take away from you. The power to control your life and the capacity to be happy.